hu die zha ji ci yan jing
cai xue hui fei xing
ye kong sa man le xing xing
dan ji ke hui luo di
wo fei xing dan ni zhui luo zhi ji
hen kao jing hai ting jian hu xi
dui bu qi wo que mei zhuo jin ni
ni bu zhi dao wo wei shen me li kai ni
wo jian chi bu neng shuo fang ren ni ku qi
ni de lei di xiang qin peng da yu sui le man di
zai xin li qing xi
ni bu zhi dao wo wei shen me hen xia xin
pan xuan zai ni kan bu jian de gao kong li
duo de shi ni bu zhi de shi
hu die zha ji ci yan jing
cai xue hui fei xing
ye kong sa man le xing xing
dan ji ke hui luo di
wo fei xing dan ni zhui luo zhi ji
hen kao jing hai ting jian hu xi
dui bu qi wo que mei zhuo jin ni
ni bu zhi dao wo wei shen me li kai ni
wo jian chi bu neng shuo fang ren ni ku qi
ni de lei di xiang qin peng da yu sui le man di
zai xin li qing xi
ni bu zhi dao wo wei shen me hen xia xin
pan xuan zai ni kan bu jian de gao kong li
duo de shi ni bu zhi de shi
wo fei xing dan ni zhui luo zhi ji
ni bu zhi dao wo wei shen me li kai ni
wo jian chi bu neng shuo fang ren ni ku qi
ni de lei di xiang qin peng da yu sui le man di
zai xin li qing xi
ni bu zhi dao wo wei shen me hen xia xin
pan xuan zai ni kan bu jian de gao kong li
duo de shi ni bu zhi de shi
You can never understand why something happened or why someone is the way they are and yet we always always try to understand.
We try, oh yes we do!
What if this time you don’t need to understand anything and let go?
What if you learn to just accept and trust blindly?
Can you do that? Ever?
Can you stop thinking about what you want or what you feel and what makes you happy and instead think of what He wants and how to please Him?
Can you forget about yourself for once and let Him be your main priority?
When you sing of loving Him more than anything; do you mean it? Or are you just singing it out loud?
Can you live your life like He’s number one instead of you?
Would you live like that?
Truth?!
It’s hard and it seems impossible but! I am sick of trying to understand so I’m giving Him the lead to my life!
And guess what?
Peace.
More?
Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Fruit if the spirit becomes something I’ve learnt to embrace and appreciate in my life.
And guess what?
I am okay because I know He’s in me.
I mean seriously; how else do you think I’ve come to receive the fruits of the spirit? Through Him of course!
I don’t know the answer to that question. Since I’ve been back, I’ve been keeping myself busy in the midst of all the working and exercising(it’s true!) and living. If you’re in my pool of friends whom I update my life with, then you’ll know that I’m in the midst of waiting for something big and having that small little faith doesn’t help much. Still, it is faith after all. It isn’t easy waking up each day wondering what if and waiting for that email to come so that you know that it will be alright. Sometimes I feel like my heart may just stop beating from worrying too much. It scares me to bit that everytime I think about it my innards feel all weird and I feel like I cannot; not anymore. And yet, each day I make it a little more. A little more that teaches me that I can. And so I go on.
Sometimes I wanna run. I put on a mask so that no one will ever know how bad it hurts. Not because I don’t want people to ever find out, but because I don’t know how to explain if anyone ask. Sometimes I cry so much until the tears run dry and my face feels all wrinkly and then I laugh because silly me. Why did I get into all the emotional roller coaster when I could just simply walk away? Now you see, walking away is the simple part. Not walking away however, it takes great effort. Imma make that big effort because I know it’s going to be worth it.
Every other day I meet a new friend. Someone who are so willing to share their life with me despite the fact that I may not be the perfect candidate to throw their heart’s treasure. I feel honoured. And then there are those days when you love so much you try to protect your friends and help them not be broken but you get pushed aside; oblivious to existence. And then you wonder why. And then you get all frozen inside and you feel like you don’t care but that, well that are all lies. Lies you feed yourself because you cannot deal being not wanted. I cannot deal feeling unwanted. Not after investing so so much. Oh not forgetting those who come to you because they need something out of you. You give, over and over again, you give. And then you ask yourself; what’s next?
And that is what I tell myself every brand new day.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a brand new day and I am living.
Tomorrow is a brand new day and I’m not going to stop loving.
Tomorrow is a different day.
**
**
P/s I have to rant a little bit. It’s been a while since I’ve updated but I’m thankful for all you who keep coming back. Blessings for you.
Oh this is just a poem I read and really liked it. Just have too much time on my hands right now.
**
A Fairy Tale by Amy Lowell
On winter nights beside the nursery fire
We read the fairy tale, while glowing coals
Builded its pictures. There before our eyes
We saw the vaulted hall of traceried stone
Uprear itself, the distant ceiling hung
With pendent stalactites like frozen vines;
And all along the walls at intervals,
Curled upwards into pillars, roses climbed,
And ramped and were confined, and clustered leaves
Divided where there peered a laughing face.
The foliage seemed to rustle in the wind,
A silent murmur, carved in still, gray stone.
High pointed windows pierced the southern wall
Whence proud escutcheons flung prismatic fires
To stain the tessellated marble floor
With pools of red, and quivering green, and blue;
And in the shade beyond the further door,
Its sober squares of black and white were hid
Beneath a restless, shuffling, wide-eyed mob
Of lackeys and retainers come to view
The Christening.
A sudden blare of trumpets, and the throng
About the entrance parted as the guests
Filed singly in with rare and precious gifts.
Our eager fancies noted all they brought,
The glorious, unattainable delights!
But always there was one unbidden guest
Who cursed the child and left it bitterness.
The fire falls asunder, all is changed,
I am no more a child, and what I see
Is not a fairy tale, but life, my life.
The gifts are there, the many pleasant things:
Health, wealth, long-settled friendships, with a name
Which honors all who bear it, and the power
Of making words obedient. This is much;
But overshadowing all is still the curse,
That never shall I be fulfilled by love!
Along the parching highroad of the world
No other soul shall bear mine company.
Always shall I be teased with semblances,
With cruel impostures, which I trust awhile
Then dash to pieces, as a careless boy
Flings a kaleidoscope, which shattering
Strews all the ground about with coloured sherds.
So I behold my visions on the ground
No longer radiant, an ignoble heap
Of broken, dusty glass. And so, unlit,
Even by hope or faith, my dragging steps
Force me forever through the passing days.
What with all the many dramas happening in life and the crazy amount of gigantic waves, my sister came at a perfect timing and we went to Sheraton Hotel for a break away from everyone and everything that wasn’t positive! Teehee!
During the stay in Sheraton, as if by God’s perfect timing, I met Nick Vujicic who were in Malaysia at the same time to give this motivational talk. We were by the pool(and I can’t get into the pool cos of stuffs) and so I was sun bathing(lies.i don’t do sunbathing what with being so dark already! -_-!!) and lying peacefully on the chair/bed when he came and spoke to us.
At first I was just so impressed because he was walking and trying the pool water(with what he calls his drumstick! ) and thereafter went for a swim! And all that without limbs okay!
Then when he spoke to me I was pretty much so impressed I was kinda speechless. I maybe oklah fine, was stammering a little bit cos so nervous! And I kinda remembered him from watching youtube somewhere long time ago. And so fail cos I told him that! -_-!! He was so humble to come and speak so nicely and I think he knew I was kinda shy! Haahaa! It’s true okay! So shy! But he was just so kind and we took photos with him!
Okay, maybe some of you don’t know who he is but here’s a video you must watch of his life testimony.
Anyway, after that I went to google about him somemore to refresh my memory of him and it was so amazing that I literally cried watching some of his videos. His motto? Attitude is Altitude! So inspiring and totally what I needed to hear at this point of my life!
I believe that God places the perfect people in your midst so you can understand life better. It’s like a little reminder of Him watching over us. I am so glad! Who would have thought that I would stumble upon this great disciple of Christ just when I needed an escape from life? Well, God did.
Do you trust in me? I would say yes God, I do. I think after that, Imma just have faith and trust with my whole heart.
Never give up. Not even if you’ve fallen a thousand and one times. I’m holding on to that. It’s carved deeply in my heart.
Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
) and thereafter went for a swim! And all that without limbs okay!
But he was just so kind and we took photos with him!
