Carissa Sammy

Today’s sermon by Timothy Tia really spoke right through my heart making it swirl like a whirlpool; so fast it makes my breath choppy and my throat chocked with tears as it threatens to flow endlessly right there and then. My oh my! It’s been a while since God’s word spoke so fervently and clearly that I could barely hold it all in.

Mark 8:34-37 (NKJV)

34 When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 35 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it. 36 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? 37 Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

In fact, the same word wad written in the other main four gospels as well; some are as below:

• Luke 9:23-25
• Matthew 10: 38-39
• Matthew 16:24-26
• Luke 17:33

It really shows how important this verse is isn’t it now that many writers of the bible wrote on the same exact thing? It’s not like I’ve never read this verse before really, it’s just that today, when I read it again, it totally struck a chord deep within me. It like I finally am seeing the picture behind the glass pane which was filled with fog the last time round. I am finally seeing it for real and not just looking! Oh how it struck my heart!

He then shared the five things that we need to die to:

1.Dying to our sinful self – We all know what is sin. The first thing that were taught to us when we first accepted Christ or rededicated our life to God is to die to our sins. We know what sins are and we also know what God consider sinful when we read the bible and understand even more. Truth is, sometimes we disregard small small things to be sinful ie white lies, or gluttony or even saying bad words or having bad thoughts. We just choose to ignore and make excuses saying that these are not as sinful compared to those who kill or perhaps robbed a bank. But guess what? In God’s eyes, there are no greater sin than the other. It’s all considered under one and only category – SIN. Thus, the truth is, even the smallest sin is sin and though we are not perfect human beings, we can try to die to our sinful self by soaking our self in His words and His presence.

*Romans 6:11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin…

2. Dying to self will – Oh I think this one’s kinda hard. You know, everyone has an ambition; mine’s to become successful in what I do, earn enough money to buy a car, a big house with a garden and marry a husband who would love me and have the same vision and goal as me in life. Oh and of course, kids. Then probably, travel around the world! But what if, just what if, God calls me today and told me that He wants me to be a missionary in China and preach there? Would I then, let go all that I have and move on there just trusting in His words? I can imagine many of you going, “No way! Give up everything after working so hard for it?” My sentiments exactly. But truth is, I probably would. As hard as it will be for me with my parents probably against it wholeheartedly(hello daddy and mummy, just saying if okay! don’t panic yet! ), if God truly calls me, I would go. I would rather have a sense of purposefulness in my life than doing something everyday without any passion. And perhaps one day when I face the Creator, I can look into His(I suppose beautiful, amazing, breathtaking) eyes and know that I’ve done what He asked me to.

*Mark 14:32-36 32 Then they came to a place which was named Gethsemane; and He said to His disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” 33And He took Peter, James, and John with Him, and He began to be troubled and deeply distressed. 34Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch.” 35He went a little farther, and fell on the ground, and prayed that if it were possible, the hour might pass from Him. 36And He said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will

3. Dying to our false self and self sufficiency – In life we are taught to step on our two feet, grow up and be able to fend for ourselves; that is our parents’ main lesson for us so that we are able to grow up and take care of ourselves when they are gone. This is especially true in our Asian culture. This too we began to carry with us when we live our everyday life; trying to solve things on our own and depending on self when things get rough. When we have Him in our life, we forget that there is this Great God who is far mightier and that He is more than willing to carry and shoulder our burdens with us. We think we can, we indulge and get our pride from our achievements forgetting that in the end, it is Him who we should depend on, Him that we should surrender our burden to. Him, so that we can have our rest, in Him. Maybe, we can learn to trust our Lord more; with all we have.

*Proverbs 3:5-6 ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

4.Dying to self-entitlement – Teehee! This one I must admit is very much me. I always think that I have done enough to deserve some things, perhaps good enough to be treated with respect, high class enough to not want to do things that people with no class does or something like that. You get the gist. Yes I am darn honest, enough to tell the world that I am in that category. I mean seriously, how many of you here never felt as if you should not be cleaning the public toilet because you are better than that or that you would so never work in a garbage truck company collecting rubbish every morning just because you are not that low of a standard. How many more says you deserve a spot in the public to be loved or that you deserve acknowledgment in the things that you’ve worked so hard for. Everyone of us things we are entitle for some things in life. That thought however gotta go. God has given to us everything in our life. A family. A friend. Someone who loves us. Money. Material things. Education. So much more. Things that sometimes we don’t even deserve and yet here we are demanding so much more. I have learnt today that I should be thankful with what I already have. That He has given me the blessings in life I do not even deserve and if He ever gives me so much more; then Praise God! I am in need to die to self entitlement!

*Phil 2:5-8 ⁵ Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, ⁷ but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. ⁸ And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

5. Dying to self… So that Christ may live in us – Dying to all the above is for one purpose and that is so that Christ may live in us. I pray that as I begin to die more everyday, He will begin in increase in my life. Ultimately, there’s only one thing I want to hear, that is ‘Do people see Jesus in you?’. I surely hope the answer to that question is yes.

*Romans 6:11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

*Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

*John 3:30 He must increase, but I must decrease.

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Hope this touches and bless you as much as it did to me.

Have a blessed week!

Went to Miri 3 days prior to Chinese New Year since we’ll be celebrating this new year with a reunion with relatives from mummy’s side of the family.

Went to airport early morning with mummy and Jessica cause Daddy’s went earlier since he was on traveling for work purposes and Chae would only go a day before CNY due to work. I have tons of pictures in my camera but I left it all in Kuching thus these pictures here are taken from YingYing’s(yes my cousin with the same chinese name as me) DSLR.

Arrived in Miri at 9am in the morning and went straight to breakfast with my uncle, his family and some aunties. The food was good but I already ate so much in the plane and breakfast at home thus I did not have anymore food. Teehee! Must fit into cheongsam that’s why cannot eat so much!

Went to watch a movie with the cousins on the first day we arrived and then dinner at night. It was really rest and relax on the first day here.

On the second day, the uncles took us to visit their fruit farm.

Such gorgeous day out

With the cousins

And my favourite mischievous nephew

He was obsess with taking pictures! So cute!

Oh and my monkey-ed uncle who can climb all the way up without a ladder and such! So champion! I tried but so failed! I look like I was stuck sticking on the tree! -_-!! So cannot show you the picture! Haahaa!

The spot where it was cooling and protected from the hot sun. I had to wear my cousin’s clothes cos the ones I brought were all pretty ones! Thanks Zhen!

See his mischievous grin!

And he so poser okay! Haahaa!

Dad drove the land cruiser and uncle drove the other car.

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On Saturday, picked Chae up from the airport and then breakfast!

Zhen, YingYing and myself

Chae and Jess

Daddy, Mummy and the relatives

En en and my nieces. The last time I saw En en was 10 years ago and she was like 5 years of age! Now she’s so beautiful and taller than me! Oh so much taller! Lols!

Us

Dinner before Cny. We did not have sit down dinner since there were far too many people! Food was amazing!

Gave mummy a surprised birthday celebration as well! Mummy’s birthday is a day before valentine’s.

Happy birthday mummy!

Chae and Zhen!

Cny wouldn’t be complete without card games!

Oh yes, meet our very expert Philippino dealer! Teehee!

Losers had to be drawn on hands!

Some of the losers; Samuel!

And me.. ya ya..

Rebecca drawing on YingYing!

Chae and Yingying

Jess and AhWee koko

Nephews and Niece

Meet ahliang koko; ie Doctor Michael Wong. Haahaa! Yes, doctors can be so funny as well! He was entertaining himself! So cute!

Ahliang koko;”hrmm.. what in the world am I doing playing with this?!” Hhahahahah!

Midnight strikes and there were fireworks everywhere! It was awesome!

Pictures of some of us that night!

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More pictures soon!

In the midst of all chaos, I choose to keep joy in my heart and smiles on my face. Sometimes it’s the hardest to do especially when thoughts are roaming around so freely landing on open spots. Ouch! Gotta keep my focus on what is right and what is important.

Hope that you, yes you, wherever you are, are doing well and is happy!

of me in case u miss me! hahahaahah!

must always start with a smile!

Me and my big nose! Lols!

Big big eyes!  I look like Bugsy!

Shake shake! I really dunno why got such function lor. Who wana take shaky pic of them self?

Emo emo love

I see this picture and feel so scared and kolien for myself cos look so lonely and alone. Eh, same meaning! Haahaa!

So scary!

I’m so scared of myself. T.T

SEE! I can be so scary! Faster scroll down! :’(

Puzzle of me me me!

Kisses!

Must give u see happy pics also!

All smiles! Hohoho!

Last one nah! Enough love for everyone!

p/s took this pics when in KL one day and feel very sien! Heehee!

Last but not least; Gong Xi Gong Xi!

p/s i’m in miri now! will be back home soon! is loving miri much!

Last Saturday, I had Northern Indian food at Pastor Tim’s place with the leadership team just sharing about lives and updating on testimonies and church plans.

Pastor Tim also shared about leaders reaching a point of life as a Christian leader where we will feel less passionate, tired and most distressing of all would be feeling stagnant. Honestly, I do feel more tired than I have felt for a long time and as compared to when I rededicated my life, I am definitely less passionate; not at all burning with the intense fire I used to have.

He then shared that when these happens, there are four key reasons to why one feels as such.

There are four reasons for Stagnation:

1. Lack of Devotion (thus making one weary)

Many people usually fall under this category. This is where people lack of doing devotions. It really is as simple as that. Sometimes we take for granted and not do devotion, sometimes we lose focus and are not discipline in doing them. I remembered my struggles when I first rededicated my life to God. I simply could not sit down and do my devotions every single day. It was truly difficult for me. I only manage to truly commit when I see the priority of God in my life and that I should be able to spend some time with Him everyday instead of wasting my time turning on the internet or reading a good book. Since that day, doing devotions is the time of the day I truly enjoy because that is when He will tell me what I needed to hear and I am aware that there is a true relationship between me and Him. It is also when my empty cup will be replenished again.

2. Lack of Compassion

Before Pastor Tim told us about these four reasons; I have already diagnosed myself in this category. I feel that I have dealt with so many different people; some with difficult attitude problem which drives me insane while others are just plain amazing and easy to love, and that I am running out of love for people. This is a very dangerous diagnosis I must say because when you stop loving people, you just stop seeing the reason of doing what you do because you just don’t love anymore. In fact, before Saturday, I have already kept loving people as one my biggest priority in my prayer list. The need to love is immeasurable. It is what keeps us going when people get difficult. It is what fills Jesus’ heart every single time before a miracle happens. Yes, every single time! So pray with me as I keep loving people as I go through this journey of my ministry.

3. God’s calling

Yes, this is also substantially vital in doing what you do. When you are doing God’s calling, you tend to not feel tired or weary. There will be passion and zeal doing what you do. So if you’re not sure what God’s calling is for you, pray about it. Try different ministry to see which one ignites the fire in you. Mine would be Campus Ministry for now because I love to see young people stand up for God, see young people burn so passionately for Him. That itself keeps me going on. Oh and of course worship ministry. I love singing. I truly do. But I love singing for Him even more.

4. Creativity

This I am not particularly sure or know how I can fit into this category. You see, me and creativity, we are like strangers meeting for the first time; not exactly best of friends! But creativity in doing what we do actually help grows through stagnation. It’s like giving a breath of fresh air!

What I learnt most importantly on that very day would be the fact that every single leader goes through stagnation and I am absolutely relieved knowing that I am not alone in this boat! It helps knowing that you are not alone and that other people goes through it too. So if you are right now in the stage of stagnation; let me know so I can pray with you and perhaps you can too evaluate what is your reason for stagnation. Remember, you are NOT alone!

Blessed weak ahead!