Carissa Sammy

Dear life,

Would you please so kindly give me a break so that I’ll have some room to breathe? Why can’t you just let me be so that I can just move on and start living properly? Don’t you know that I cannot handle things when it’s not stable or according to plans? I mean seriously, if you wanna mess with me, why won’t you do it once in a while, instead of every other day? Have you not seen that I’m as confused as Rattatouille and do not know what to do now? Decisions have to be made. Can you at least give me some relevant options so that I don’t have to crack my freaking head? Just show me what’s next for me. A little hint would be nice enough. I’m not asking for much, just a smooth road ahead once the decision is made. Is that possible for you to fulfill? I’ve worked my heart out. Please please just let me reap what I’ve sowed. I’m pretty sure it’s the best I’ve given. Wait, I am very certain it’s my very best. So would you consider giving me a break? I’m begging.

Seriously,

YingYing

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Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Dear God,

I’m trying my very best to have faith. Please give me some hint as to what Your will is. I want to honour you in what I choose to do. Please grant some favours upon my life and blessings so that Your will can be done. Give me the strength to hold on to that little faith of mine. I am trying. I really am. Help me.

With love,

YingYing

Just only finished work and walked home alone cos I so superwoman don’t need to depend on anyone to walk back with me and was quite scared actually so walked a bit faster than usual. But because I was so exhausted, I then fell down and hurt my knee and the feet area and it started to sting and bleed. Then I did something I never thought I would do.

I wailed loudly, like really; while picking myself up. And all I felt like doing was cry. And run to mummy. But she was so far away and  I really couldn’t. I wanted to cry so much more. Then only I noticed there were a bunch of guys at the side probably laughing at me falling down and then wailing so loud. -_-!!

I did the closest thing to running to mum. I called her. And talked to her until I reached home. Yes because I was afraid of walking alone and also because hearing her voice helped me not cry.She was sleeping already as usual but she talked to me anyway until I got back safely. Mummy’s always the best! Really!

I guess deep inside I’ll always be a four year old believing in mum and dad and knowing that they can comfort me; just by hearing their voice already helps so much. :’)) So here I am, a 22 year old but will always be a four year old in their heart.

Also, I guess it goes more than just hurting externally. It’s more internal;where there would be days when things are just not alright and this is one of those days.

But this too shall pass.

And what’s more amazing is the fact that I also have one big daddy looking after me up above! i heart!

Oh and amazing friends! So amazing okay my housemate Bee waited for me at the door to ensure I am okay! Teehee! So lovely! And then I go and scare her by wailing loudly again when I saw her! Boohoo me!

Okay, now have to clean my wounds. Sigh!

p/s see i’m such a good blogger I blogged first before truly cleaning the wounds! Haahaa! Actually sorry haven’t blogged much lately. So busy! Update soon! Loves!

Dream Catcher

Had fever Friday all the way to yesterday, the same day I started work and almost did not go to work but went anyway cos cannot afford to give bad impression. Anyhoo, it was bad. It’s been a while since I’ve had fever and such. It doesn’t help that the sore throat, flu and cough complicate my breathing and made my asthma so much worst. A walk to the bathroom made me pant as if I ran a mile or something and sweat started to break out from the skin everywhere. You want to know how it feels? Try holding your breath under water until you can no longer take it but wait for a few more seconds and then get up and you’ll know how it feels to breathe as if air is running out BUT imagine the air sucked in could not be absorbed by the lungs and all you can do is run to the meds for help. The high fever was horrible as well. Wrapped myself in 2 layer of clothes, long pants and blanket, popped in two panadol and try to sweat it all out. Wish I was home where I could be well taken care of without worrying bout such things. Bah!

Anyhoo, worshiped anyway today; with only one guitarist and a pianist and did so much mistakes! I could feel my face go red throughout! Gah! Surrendering to God; I did my best! I truly did! Am glad some people were ministered anyway! God is good!

*****

My new fav song! Thanks to Diana! Hee!

Part of the lyrics

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we’ve got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I’ve always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I’m
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

*****

P/S sometimes I don’t understand why people are not afraid to do it but go all mad when someone else found out about it. Seriously. What’s the catch?

One word.

Own up.

On a lighter note, I think now I know who are those who are real and not. It’s good to know.

Sometimes.

When you walk in a crowded place; without thinking, without really looking and you see familiar faces, some smiling, some giving a simple nod and you know that you are living. You think you can.

There are many more times you stand in a room full of people you know and people you love but it may never come back to you and you know that you may survive. If you hang on.

So many other times you walk with people you call friends whom you think will be there but you look and see a fog and as you push along you feel all your spines are dead cold and you are fearful because behind all that; you are actually alone.

And when the room’s too fogged up and making you cry; you need to stop and run out of it, pushing another door apart hoping that this time, it’ll be alright.

***

(Update)

As I finish writing that last night and did my devotion afterward; these were the words spoken to me:

Romans 5:3-4

³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope.

What else can I say. I need such character and He is still working on me.